For the Joy

A reflection on pregnancy and participating in the suffering of Christ

Content warning: This post discusses pregnancy, which I understand may be a sensitive topic for some. Feel free to skip this one if it will be triggering for you.

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Perhaps you can anticipate what I’m about to say but…

We’re expecting!!!

Baby #2 is on the way, and we couldn’t be more thrilled to be growing our family and welcoming a little brother to the crew.

Coupled with the enormous joy is the daunting physical reality of pregnancy–at least in my experience–and the ways that I’ve been pushed both times now.

With my daughter, I was on Zofran (an anti-nausea prescription med) until the day I delivered. Much of my first trimester was honestly a horror show that felt like having food poisoning for weeks and months straight. I was barely eating and dropped several pounds. At 19 weeks, even on meds, I ended up in the ER because I could not stop throwing up.

This time around has mercifully been less intense than that, though I still have wrestled with symptoms that seem a bit more extreme than the average. I had high hopes things would improve sooner, which emboldened me to try and wean off the prescription meds this time around 20 weeks.

Cue a sickening morning and the first time I threw up in more than a month, and I was quickly humbled and back on the pills. I was grateful for their efficacy, if not discouraged by pregnancy being harder than I thought it *should* be. Who’s still getting morning sickness at 20 weeks pregnant?!

I know my story isn’t unique in that many women have their own tales of the symptoms that came from pregnancy. Your body is flooded with hormones and undergoing enormous change very rapidly. This often causes some unhappy side effects.

Having something like nausea last so long and be seemingly more extreme for me than average is certainly a test of perseverance. Yet I do it because I’m so grateful for the outcome. I absolutely thought my daughter was worth it the first time and willingly signed up to try to do this process again—even though I knew what it could bring.

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The verse that’s come to mind repeatedly for me is this:

Hebrews 12:2 (NIV) …fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I always find it stunningly, mind-numbingly beautiful that Jesus our rescue and His participation in the Father’s plan such a delight that He willingly endured the cross and all of its torture.

It’s even wilder when we consider that we had nothing to offer and were in fact enemies of God when He chose to do this (Romans 5:10; Titus 3:5).

He did it for love. He loved us so much (John 3:16; Romans 5:8), it was a joy to save us and see us reconciled to God.

The picture is a humbling one as Jesus went through pretty much the worst pain and suffering imaginable to bring about our salvation. It went as far as death, and He knew all that in advance and agreed to the Father’s plan anyway. He believed we were worth it.

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Perhaps in some of those words, you can see a parallel to pregnancy.

Why do women want to have kids (especially more), knowing the havoc it can wreak on their bodies?

We do it for the joy set before us, the amazing opportunity to bring forth life and welcome a precious soul into the family. We do it for love that makes the cost and pain worth it.

I believe in this way, pregnancy is a way we model Christ. We give of ourselves and sacrifice our bodies for another.

(Note: I don’t mean to say that pregnancy is completely on par and equal to Jesus’ crucifixion and the insane torture He endured, but I believe the principle of undergoing personal bodily struggle for another carries over.)

It’s a truth I’ve had to remind myself of in the hard moments. After hours of melting into the couch in discomfort then stumbling downstairs to bed knowing the next day was probably going to bring the same mix of debilitating nausea and exhaustion, it’s easy to be stuck in a mental mode of complaint and self-pity.

It can feel like an endless season, especially early on when you’re not really showing and you may not have told many people. The whole idea of a baby can feel surreal and so far off, only manifest in the symptoms being experienced.

I just had to keep coming back to that verse and that phrase.

For the joy…

I know this journey is hard and really uncomfortable right now. But I know it’s worth it, and I know the end brings so much joy. I will endure.

And that carried me through another hour, another day, another week. I’ve done this once and love the journey of parenting we’ve been on the last couple years. Though the pregnancy part continues to not be my favorite, I’m excited once again and know the Lord has great things in store for us and this little one on the way.